Dear Friends -
I recently had the chance to sit down with Allison O’Shea, founder of Openly Aging, for my Act Three Podcast. The conversation was so valuable that I wanted to share it here as this week’s newsletter too.
Allison’s insights are practical, eye-opening, and deeply relevant. She explains when and how to bring in support like a professional care manager (something I didn’t even know existed) and what “triggers” to watch for as we grow older.
As a single woman without children, this interview gave me real peace of mind and a strategy for staying independent as I age. It’s also a must-listen for anyone with parents who are starting to navigate these same decisions.
You can watch the full conversation on YouTube here:
When it comes to aging…
Most of us do one of two things: we either avoid the subject entirely or we tell ourselves, “I’ll figure it out when I have to.” But as Allison reminded me, the truth is simple: the sooner you prepare, the more control you have over how you live.
Allison spent more than twenty years as an executive director in senior living communities. She saw families arrive in crisis, forced into decisions that could have been much smoother if conversations and plans had started earlier. That’s why she created her framework—the Four Pillars of Aging—to help people stay independent, empowered, and confident about their future.
The Four Pillars of Aging Well
Support Systems
Who will be there when you need help? For some, the answer is adult children, but many of us don’t live near family—or don’t want to rely on them. Professional options exist, like care managers or nurse advocates, who can check in regularly and catch small issues before they become big ones. Allison points out that $150 for a monthly check-in is far cheaper than the cost of round-the-clock care later.Living Environment
Your house may have been perfect for raising kids, but will it still work for you in your seventies or eighties? Too many stairs, oversized spaces, or isolation can become risks. Downsizing or choosing a community that fits your stage of life can be the difference between thriving and being forced into a move later. Community doesn’t always mean “institutional”—it could be a vibrant 55+ neighborhood, a condo near friends, or even a Golden Girls-style shared house.Social Connection
We know loneliness harms health, but Allison goes deeper: how do you actually like to connect? Are you energized by big group activities, or do you prefer purposeful roles on boards and committees? Maybe you thrive in smaller, tighter circles. Knowing your “recreation style” helps you design a life that keeps you engaged and fulfilled.Supportive Services and Finances
This is where many people get caught off guard. Home health and home care, for example, are very different—one may be covered by insurance, the other is often private pay. Knowing what’s available, what it costs, and what your personal thresholds are makes a huge difference. For example, if home care climbs over $10,000 a month, would you consider assisted living? Having that decision mapped out in advance saves stress for you and your family.
Why This Matters Now
Allison recommends starting these conversations by age 75, or earlier if health changes appear. It’s not about fear—it’s about freedom. Planning while you are healthy means you get to call the shots, rather than letting a crisis decide for you.
My Takeaway
I loved Allison’s mission to remove the shame around aging. Too often, we hide falls, memory lapses, or struggles because we’re embarrassed. But pretending these issues don’t exist doesn’t protect us. In fact, it does the opposite. Aging with intention is a way of saying, “I’m still in charge of my life.”
Next Steps
If this resonates, here are two small actions you can take today:
Look around your support system and ask yourself: who could I call if I needed help tomorrow?
Take a fresh look at your living space. Is it helping you stay independent, or could it create challenges later?
You can learn more about Allison’s work at OpenlyAging.com or check out her book Openly Aging: The Four Pillars to Keep Control.
🎥 Want to hear the full conversation? Watch the episode on YouTube »
And if you’re in the stage of life where you want to design your next chapter with purpose, that’s what I do through my Third Act Blueprint. Together, we map out not just where you’re going, but how you want to live along the way.
Aging isn’t something that just happens to us. It’s a process we can guide, shape, and even celebrate. With a little planning, we can trade fear for confidence—and keep control of the life we want to live.
Cara Gray
Third Act Consultant, CPRC, CEPA™️
P.S.S. If you want to start planning your third act, set up a time on my calendar for a chat: Schedule a Chat with Cara