Dear Friends -
A recent New York Times Psych 101 column made an important point: boundaries aren’t about controlling other people. They’re the rules we set for ourselves — rules that protect our energy, values, and time. Done right, boundaries strengthen relationships rather than push people away.
The article reminds us of three boundary styles:
Rigid — walls so high that trust and intimacy struggle to grow.
Porous — letting too much in, oversharing, or saying “yes” when we mean “no.”
Healthy — the balance of honoring our own needs while staying open to others.
Most of us carry a mix of these into different relationships. But as we move into retirement or our next chapter, boundaries take on new meaning.
Breaking Old Work Patterns
Boomers and Gen X professionals were shaped by a culture of constant availability:
Always on call for the boss.
Always checking email.
Always carrying the weight of work notifications.
If you’re nearing retirement, start testing new rules now so your transition doesn’t feel jarring. A few experiments:
Email curfew: No messages after 7 p.m. (or whatever time feels right).
Silent mornings: Keep your phone on “Do Not Disturb” until after coffee or exercise.
Vacation practice: Take one long weekend where colleagues know not to contact you — a rehearsal for your eventual freedom.
Boundaries at Home
When work recedes, personal relationships expand. This can be joyful — and challenging. Suddenly, spouses who were used to separate routines may find themselves negotiating everything from morning schedules to shared space.
Healthy boundaries here require conversation:
How much together time feels right?
What activities are shared, and what’s solo?
What happens when one partner wants quiet and the other wants connection?
These are not one-time talks. They’re ongoing negotiations, rooted in respect and love.
Resources to Explore
Podcast: We Can Do Hard Things episode with Nedra Glover Tawwab on boundaries
Your AI Prompt
Here’s a reflective exercise you can try in ChatGPT or your favorite AI tool:
"Help me define three boundaries for my next chapter. One for my digital life, one for my relationships, and one for my personal time. Ask me clarifying questions, help me refine them into clear rules, and suggest small experiments I can try this month."
💡 If you are new to AI, here’s my “how to” guide!
Boundaries aren’t about shutting life out. They’re about creating space for the life you truly want. As you step into your next chapter, imagine the freedom of mornings without pings, afternoons filled with choice, and relationships that thrive on respect. The rules you set today can become the foundation for a richer, more expansive tomorrow.
Cara Gray
Third Act Consultant, CPRC, CEPA™️
P.S.S. If you want to start planning your third act, set up a time on my calendar for a chat: Schedule a Chat with Cara